How to healthily deal with jealousy in relationship

The first step to start off in a healthy way is when you start recognizing that you are feeling jealous. Yes, the first thing you should do is to assess yourself and think out loud. If you are feeling jealous, don’t start any random passive aggressive fight with your guy. Instead, understand and tell him what you have been feeling. Don’t argue just for the sake of it. When you come out in open and tell him that you have been feeling odd and jealous about the way he talks to a friend or the way he talks to his colleagues, he will know that he is not supposed to do that again or at least he will be careful the next time. He doesn’t want to do that to hurt you, so be conscious when you feel jealous. That is one of the first steps towards having a good relationship. Maybe, if telling him doesn’t work, try to think aloud. Talk to yourself and tell yourself that you are feeling jealous. That way you will take constant effort to not feel like that.

It is very important for you to look at your relationship from an outsider or have a perspective where you look at it from the point of view of your friends. Think of ways you will react to your own situation if you were your friend. What would your friends advice to you? What would they tell you to do? If your friend is undergoing something, wouldn’t you first ask her to think and then take decisions? Wouldn’t you tell her to look at both sides of the story? Well, that’s your answer then. You should be able to look at your situation from your friend’s perspective so that you will be open to discussion and open to criticisms if there is any. That way, you will be able to look at the broader picture.

Keep the jealousy aside and see how great your relationship actually is. Maybe you just didn’t like one thing about that evening. You saw him flirting with some of your friends or with a total stranger. Fine! But think about all the history, all the love that is there between the two of you. Try to appreciate the bigger things rather than picking on the small ones. It isn’t a big deal that your guy flirts. Remember that everyone flirts here are there. Even you would have flirted or are still flirting without your knowledge. So, don’t ever think about it. Sleep on the fact that he is flirting. Maybe he is just talking in a friendly way and you are just assuming things by yourself. Could that be a possibility? Think about it!

[Also Read – How to work your relationship when it is dying]

Let’s face it, just because you are jealous and you doubt your boyfriend, nothing is really going to happen. Yes, you might be scared that your boyfriend is not attracted to you anymore or he has started liking someone else, but that is just stupidity. You may have hundreds of doubts, but that doesn’t mean your boyfriend is already sleeping with another person or he is cheating on you. That could just be very scary and sad that you are thinking in a stinky manner. Let’s say that you have proof that your guy is cheating on you, unless you catch him red handed, don’t act on it yet. Let it take its own turn and you will figure out things as and when they happen. So, don’t panic and blame him already. Instead of being jealous, you can try and talk to him and tell him how things are not the same and how you are feeling left out. He will really put you at ease, if there is nothing happening at all. So, don’t worry before anything happens.

Sometimes in life there are certain feelings that may take its toll on you. If you have been having some garbage in mind about your boyfriend’s ex life, then stop assuming things. Most relationships go into a troublesome phase when the guy or the girl start assuming things. That is, when you tend to hide or start spying your guy. Just think of the positive way to approach things and you will be able to see only positive things that way. Don’t think that your boyfriend has any ties with his ex. If you want any doubt, ask him directly instead of assuming your own story. That isn’t fair for you and your boyfriend. Don’t do it to yourself!

It is important that you believe him and in yourself that you wouldn’t have chosen a bad person in your life. It is very important that you take your own decisions and you take responsibility for the way you think instead of putting him in the scene. Belief is very important in a relationship. If you end up doubting him, everything he does will look like he is cheating or he is doing something behind your back. That will kill both you and the relationship. So, just relax and believe in yourself.

-Pavithra Ravi