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There are a number of things actually, you cannot tell your children. Did you know that by saying certain phrases, you may over-motivate, de-motivate or make your child very dependent on you? You may not realize what triggers them into getting certain messages in the wrong sense. The words are so scary that it may sometimes go up to ruin the existing relationship with your child. Though this may take some time to learn “what to say” and “what not to”, here are some phrases that you should stop saying to your child right away.
Top Phrases You Should Not Say To Your Children
1Let me do it
This could be one of the phrases that doesn’t come out of anger or frustration. Here, you just want to help your kids out and this phrase could be a dangerous one. But, remember that, as parents you want to protect your child which is good. But, you ought to remember that children perceive this in the wrong sense. They take this to their advantage and continue this in future too. If you are doing their projects or school homeworks, they will never be able to learn how to do it by themselves.
2You are okay
Did you know that reassuring a kid’s emotions could sometimes turn against you? Didn’t know? Well, yes, it is true that when you try to tell your child every time that he/she is okay, it doesn’t really help you in understanding what the child feels. For example, if your child falls down and hurts her/his knee. Instead of saying that the child is okay, acknowledge the fall and try to convince him/her. Tell him/her that it was a scary fall. When you do this, your child will know that you are not neglecting what he/she is feeling emotionally and you are comprehending the feelings. Ask the child if he/she would need a bandage, kiss or both.
3Why aren’t you more like your sister/brother/friend
Nothing makes a child feel worse than hearing that he/she is not like his/her peer. As parents you should understand that every child is different and the way they fight their emotions are totally different. Some children take it easy and some don’t. They suppress their emotional feelings against you and it doesn’t make it any better. So, please for the love of your child, stop comparing your child with some other person or even your own other child. This could lead to a lot of other psychological issues for the child hearing such comments from his/her own parent.
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4Do you want to eat that?
When you comment on a child’s eating or exercising habits, make sure they are not sarcastic. You may be making a normal comment, which has sarcastic values added to it. It hits the child very hard because he/she is just a kid and has no understanding towards how sarcastic levels can vary. You got to be very careful when you speak stuff like this. Your word choice could vary from the child’s eating habits to body confidence or body weight.
5Hurry up/ Do it faster
When you have a tone that comes across as if you are pushing your child to do something on a faster speed, it may put extra pressure on him/her. There are other ways to put this statement. You could try saying a statement like ‘Let’s hurry honey, we are getting late’. This statement is perfectly right because you are establishing that both of you are getting late. This shows that you are on his/her team and you both have to hurry up. This could send encouraging singles and does not necessarily have to put pressure on him/her.
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6I will never forgive you for this
No, this is a big No. You can’t say anything close to this because this particular statement will stay back in the child’s mind making him/her feel extremely insecure. If the child does something unforgivable, you could handle it in other ways by talking to the child, explaining why it shouldn’t be done or by asking for clarifications. But, when you say that the child cannot be forgiven for his/her act, he/she will think that whatever has been done will be held as a grudge forever. Children don’t have the mind maturity to understand your inner meaning to the tone. They just react to what you act and this will scare them. It could also bring a crack between the child-parent relationship unfortunately.
7If you do this, you will get this
We have all heard this from our childhood. Most parents try to bribe their children as ‘Eat your food, then you can switch on your TV’, ‘Drink milk and then you can go out to play’, stuff like this. Bribing the child will bring in a wicked mentality in a child’s mind and will start doing the same. As days go by, he/she will cultivate the same idea of bribing with you and it isn’t doing any good for the child’s future. So, if you have been saying it, stop it now. If you want your child to do something, say it directly and get the work done.
No matter what you tell your child, you ought to think and then speak because children would start learning things from their toddler age itself. Older kids are generally more curious and want to know everything at a fast pace. So, when you speak, alter your words so it doesn’t dash out inappropriate meanings or understanding of the kids. Avoiding these phrases will put in more effort from your side to up bring a beautiful human being.
Happy parenting!
-Pavithra Ravi
