Tips to improve mother-daughter relationship

Always remember, ego plays as a huge problem in any relationship. So, if you are, the less an egoistic person, try and take the first step. You don’t have to feel awkward to take the first step. Think about all the changes you can do when you take the initiative.

A lot of people think that the other person should change the way they are. Why change the other person when you can change yourself? You can’t change the other person’s thoughts, actions or responses. Interestingly, you can put all the differences to a rest, if you be the bigger person and change the way you think, respond or your actions. Think of this as dance steps. Don’t you change your steps according to the other person’s actions? Isn’t it easy?

Whether you are a mother or a daughter, have realistic expectations from each other. Having idealistic expectations will hurt you or the other person. For example – If you are a mother, don’t expect your kid to come and find a shoulder to cry in you always. That is not going to happen. Likewise, if you are the daughter, don’t expect your mother to understand everything. The way you think and the way she understands things may be different due to a lot of things. Age, situations or even simply the fact that she doesn’t get it, can be the reason. So, sail in the same ship and don’t expect too much from the other person.

[Also see – Mistakes parents make with teens]

Any relationship works only if the communication is at its best. When your daughter is a teenager, she may end up communicating less because now she has friends, boyfriend or maybe the fact that she wants to be left alone. Understand that and do so, but when you have to communicate, definitely make your point. Likewise, your moms are not mind readers. They won’t know everything if you don’t tell them. So, if you are thinking that they will figure out on their own, they won’t. You have to make sure that you clear the air so that you won’t have a miscommunication.

Let it be any kind of a relationship, you need to repair damage at the earliest when you think it is going out of control. Yes, we all fight. Conflict is inevitable, so is fixing the fight. If you don’t resolve your fights, you may find yourself feeling awkward and weird with each other’s company. Know when to resolve and when not to. If you think the fight is a tug of war, try to drop the rope and move on. But, if you think it needs fixing, talk it out. Shout, cry, wail. Do whatever you want! Just fix it. The sooner, the better.

There is an old saying ‘Put yourself in other’s shoes’. Do that first! Think of the larger picture and move ahead. If you are a daughter and have been wanting something for a long time, think of all the pains your mom has been going through to get you what you want. If you are a mother, think of, the only possibility of your daughter having all that she asks is by you. So, understand her feelings. You can alter the way you speak so that it doesn’t hurt the other. Instead of saying ‘Stop asking me, I am busy’, you can say ‘I know you want that badly honey, I am busy right now. We will talk when I get home’. This is an example of how to avoid the conflict in the first place.

Everybody has to move on. You can’t keep clinging on to something for a long time. So, forgive, forget and move on. If your mother says something harsh, think of what she must be feeling or going through for speaking so harsh with you. If your daughter doesn’t want to talk about something, just leave it. Both the mother and the daughter should understand that forgiving and forgetting is a part and parcel of life.

-Pavithar Ravi