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The next time you think of offering help or advice to a single mom, you might want to consider what you speak or what the repercussions will be if you dish out hideous suggestions. Though a lot of them would try to be supportive about the whole concept of single parenting, the tone struck would mostly be judgmental rather than support. Well, if you find out that your friend is a single mom or your cousin is a dingle dad, remember to just shush up, smile and leave. Your doubts about how the whole concept of single parenting and how it works can be avoided. So, here are some questions you should always remember to avoid when you are with your single-parent friend, Or actually, any single mom!
Top Questions You Should Avoid To A Single Mom
1Children need a man as their role model
Says who? This question or the statement should be avoided totally. A single mother doesn’t want to hear that her child needs a father just because he is in lack of a role model. This isn’t even true that a child needs to have a male role model only. All that a single mom needs right now is space and not for you to question her ability to raise a child on her own without a man/father being involved. What if the father of the child is a drug addict, alcoholic or a murderer? The mother obviously doesn’t want her child to learn from a person who is just masquerading himself to be a man and is not really one.
2Can’t find your child. Where is he\she?
This happens a lot of times. If you are a parent and come out for shopping with your child, doesn’t mean every mother has to do the same. If you meet your friend outside at a mall, don’t run up to her to ask this repulsive question. If you don’t see her child around, it is obvious that she has come alone and has made sure that she has a babysitter back at her place. Well, there is a difference in tone. If you are concerned about the child, ask, but don’t push it too hard on her face! She knows her responsibility as a mother and you need not have to be her confidante in such situations. Remember, she needs space. She can’t handle everything at once. So, just let her be!
3Have you ever heard of birth control?
No! This is a big NO! You can never ask a single mom even in a slightest sarcastic or funny tone if she has heard about birth control. If you go ahead and ask her this, then be ready for the repercussion that you are going to face this is an offensive statement. Nobody is supposed to ask or answer to that. It is none of your business. Try to stay clear of such statements.
4I feel so bad for you
Never sympathize for the mom’s situation. You can encourage her, but never sympathize! By now, she has gone through so much like divorce, death or even a hard time being a single mom, that she could be exhausted. This is when you need to be of support and just NOT TALK ABOUT IT! Most of you make the mistake of talking about it again and again that irritates her. Just be there for her and don’t talk about how bad you feel for her situation. That is something that is not to be told right now to her. She( the mother) is happy, her son/daughter is happy, and that’s what matters than anything else. By feeling bad for her, you are only making situations worse or her. If you are a good friend, take her out, speak to her about what her plans are or if she doesn’t know yet, just go along with it and don’t give any advices. Giving advices at this situation could be riskier because she herself is confused and has not decided anything. Try to keep away such statements and Do Not empathize.
5How can you let your son spend time with his dad?
Umm.. Firstly, none of your business. Remember, however close or not you are with the single mom, you have no rights to tell her that her opinions and decisions are wrong. What happened between her and the child’s father is between them. Decisions, choices are a part of their agreement, and you are no one to dish out your opinions or judgments on her choice. However, being concerned and warning her about her husband can be done for sure. That, also, only if you know her way too close to advice. Otherwise, stay put, observes, and let her deal with her life!
6You look way too tired
That is because, she is tired! Why do you want to put that on her face and ask her something that is already understood. She is swamped with so many things around her like work, home, child, cleaning etc etc! She is obviously tired and frankly she doesn’t want to hear it from you or anyone.This actually can’t be told to any mom. You are not in their situation, so never judge or give advices on how to balance work and home. Just don’t!
Be concerned towards them, be helpful and understand their situation. If there is anything, single moms need nothing but space. So, try to give them that and don’t judge them for their situation, because they are not responsible for what has happened to them!
If you are a single mom, here are a few easy tips to handle work and kids!
-Pavithra Ravi
