Things every new bride should know about her first night

Taking things slow and steady is not wrong at all. Think about all the arrangements, wedding celebrations, the long-standing sessions and the endless fake smiles on the stage. Yes, both of you are very tired and sex could easily not be the first thing in your head. Get to know from your husband if he is looking at a long night with a lot of sex or a simple foreplay and a lot of rest. You can definitely be open about things like this since you are also a part of the act. If you want to take it slow, you should take it slow. By taking it slow, you both can revive the joys of small things for the later, when you are not tired. When you are tired, your concentration and interest is not 100% and that is not fair for the guy as well.

It doesn’t matter whether you have had sex in the past or not. It really doesn’t matter whether you have been involved with the same person or not. Whatever it is, it changes once you are married. Yes, the experiences from the past may help you, but that doesn’t mean you will know what to do on the first go itself. If it helps, you have to try and unlearn the past sexual experiences and start a fresh post marriage. It is like anything else which involves learning. Sex is a learning process and you have to know that both of you may not be the best on the first go itself.

Most of the grooms would want their brides to feel wow in the first night. They try their best and would want to score 10 on 10. There is no doubt about that at all. You might have to consider not expecting too much from them the very night. Yes, expectations may increase tension within both of you and if things don’t work the way you thought it would, you are definitely in for some heartbreak. It is better to lower your expectations and go with the flow. It is best to wear a learner’s hat when you enter your first night room because a learner has nothing to lose but everything to gain. Pressurizing expectations might ruin the night. Keep the minimal expectation and if it turns out amazing, isn’t that a good feeling?

Also know – What to expect the first time you have sex

It is very important that you shut the door to the past. Everyone has a past and dirty images of the past may flash in your head. But remember that whatever was in the past stays in the past. Do not bring the leftovers to the present and ruin a perfect marriage. Also, never ever compare! It is easy for girls to do that. If you had a boyfriend with whom you have had sex before or if you have had previous sexual experiences with another man, leave the door unopened. Never open and start comparing with what you are having with your husband. This could not only bring awkward feelings in you, but will lead to an endless comparison marathon. Every man is different and to have a peaceful marriage, never ever open that dirty past of yours!

Let’s talk about girls who are virgins. You may have stayed a virgin either by choice or circumstance. Whatever it is, you have to understand something – It might get awkward. Sex is nice and wonderful once you are comfortable with the person you are having with. Until then, the unknowing language of sex may confuse and make you feel like you are totally off track. This is definitely okay! There could be a number of things – Your bra strap can hurt you, you may be in an awkward position where your husband looks at your hidden scar or flab, you may fall off the bed, not know how to kiss and many more! Making love is not a surgical consultation where you have to be clean and precise. It is going to be messy, dirty and definitely how they show in movies.

Take a chill pill and go with the flow. Both of you are definitely going to pass through the phase and get going into a beautiful relationship after his first few times.

Reading minds are not going to be the case when you are having sex. Husbands are not gods and they don’t have the magic powers to read minds. It is highly important for you to communicate what you are expecting out of him. You will figure out that communication is very important when you have sex or even foreplay on your wedding night. You can’t expect your husband to understand your body. For the matter of fact, even you are learning about your body. So, unless you tell him how you feel, he will not know. Sex is a two way play, so be involved for him to be involved too.

Read: Things Should Never Say During Sex

If your husband had not preceded more than a kiss and foreplay, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. May be he wants to take time and give you some time. He is in fact being a gentleman here. You have to connect all the three areas of you – Mind, soul and body! That is when sex begins to feel like magic. Making love is not raw, it is emotional. It is a connect you need to have. It is the love you need to feel and the magic happens automatically. So, keep in mind that, it’s not always sex!

-Pavithra Ravi